Today is another one of those "I just feel like crying days", though in many ways it shouldn't be. The biggest reason for it is that, in the past few days, my right big toe had been feeling numb. Not good. I'm also having increased pain in my leg for the past few days, which after lifting suitcases last weekend, wearing heels all day Wednesday for a date that didn't happen, and then taking two very physical water aerobics this week, makes me wonder if I've pushed myself into some further damage. The dermatome for that area is actually S1 or possibly L4, as it's more the inside & bottom of the toe area. I see my GP next week and I'm terrified to tell him. Not that he will automatically send me off to surgery, but just that telling him will make it more "real." I've felt like I've been coasting pretty well the past few months, just living with the pain and really, getting used to it. But sensory changes do not bode well.

The other reason I feel like crying today is the guy with whom my date did not happen on Wednesday. He's a British guy who contacted me online and after a few days of semi-awkward IMs, we set up a coffee date for Wednesday night, but he canceled at the last minute. It was a sincere reason and we actually ended up talking on the phone that evening for the first time and that went well. And he asked me to get together on Saturday, which was good. And we've been IM'ing every day, but I'm noticing that he might be one of those guys who never asks me anything about me. So if I don't ask him questions, the conversation dies. His online profile says that he's shy, so I'm hoping that meeting in person and getting comfortable with each other helps him come out more. But if we meet in person and I'm still the only person asking questions, I'm not sure how it's going to go.

I'm also stressed out right now over having to make two different kinds of cupcakes this weekend for an event on Sunday. It's something I'm looking forward to, but I'm really worried about screwing them up. I can't even remember which recipe I have been using for my chocolate ones! And I'm worried that my current ridiculous level of medication is going to make me screw something up in the baking process. Plus, I'm worried that trying to fit the British guy into the weekend is going to cause me stress over the cupcakes too, as I still don't know exactly when we're meeting, and I feel like he needs to be the one to bring it up again, and he might not. So I have no idea when I'm actually going to be baking, going out with him (if I even do), etc. Result: stress. And the need to cry. Gah!