Hold on to your hats...I may have actually managed to get a tiny bit of a new and better attitude. And amazingly, I think it came as a result of not being able to have the MRI for my back. For some reason, I actually ended up (after a day or two of being pissed, of course) feeling relieved, which I never would have expected. It's like some weird switch in my head flipped to an attitude of "well, with no MRI, I just have to trust the doctors that it will get better" and "it is what is, just suck it up and work on getting it better." I've also somehow made the decision to literally not think about it as much as possible -- to live like I don't have any pain (as much as I can without doing anything stupid like lifting things I shouldn't lift, etc.). And somehow that shift in attitude has made be somewhat less guarded physically, which I think really is helping my back relax some. I'm also making an attempt to walk around more all day and do the PT exercises during the day, even at work. The leg pain is certainly still there, but I think I really might be turning a corner on it.

And with the injury less of a looming disaster in my head, I've been able to work more on forcing myself to look for ways to improve some of the other crap in my head. This past weekend I finally looked at the website for a work connection's new business idea which involves charting (and focusing on) daily things you can do to improve your life, instead of just focusing on the far off (and overwhelming) goals. I also went out and bought The Happiness Project, a book I'd looked at several times but never bought because I just wasn't ever ready to make any effort at listening to anyone else's ideas on how to make life better. Turns out the woman who wrote it, though very, very different from me in terms of her life situation, has some interesting insights into happiness and definitely some ideas I can put to use, especially if I combine them with the daily charting idea.

So for the past few days I've actually felt pretty positive about moving forward. Of course, it's helped that it's been a quiet week at work generally. Sadly, that factor could change at any minute. But I'm back to feeling like, even if it does, I am back on a path of finding a way out of here, even if it's not immediate. The back problem is not going to lock me into this job. There is light at the end of the tunnel! Halle-fucking-luyah!