In followup to my last post:  I've had three doctor visits since then.  The first two were the absolute worst ever, with me bawling in his office while he berated me about my weight.  The second one even included some passive-agressive behavior I didn't even think he was even capable of, which was really, really disappointing. (It was in reaction to a letter I faxed him before my appointment asking him to please lay off his admonishments for now, as I was perfectly aware of my weight/health situation and his yelling only made things worse.)  At the end of the second appointment, he seemed to be a bit more understanding of my issues being primarily in my head, with my weight just being a symptom.  He agreed to up my antidepressants and give me anxiety meds also.   He really wanted me to get a shrink right away, but as I still don't have the money, I compromised and got a career coach instead, as that process is both shorter and cheaper, and might make enough change that I can live without a shrink for now.

So now I am working on several things.  The "identify my ideal career and go get it" process with the job counselor, which should take 2-4 months according to her.  And then I have also decided to finally take the advice of my very first (and best ever) shrink in Atlanta, Lynn, and try the Intuitive Eating process she thought I needed to do 10 years ago, as it really does seem to address almost exactly what I feel like I'm going through right now.

Of course, if I win the lottery, I will definitely be adding real therapy to all of this, but for now, I'm hoping these things will make enough of a dent to keep me from jumping off the proverbial bridge.  (Or in my case, just never getting out of my bed again.)