Some days, looking at cupcake and bakery websites makes me so depressed I could literally cry.  As does reading the blogs of my favorite writers.  It seems that the rest of the world somehow has connections that enable them to do all the things I would love to do, but can't, for what now seems like an overwhelming number of reasons.

How did I get to a place where I am 45 years old, single, childless, with a job I hate, a dwindling list of friends, an empty bank account, and worst of all, no support at all for anything I dream of doing?  And how does every effort I make to change some of that...taking classes, joining groups, researching businesses...always seem to bring me to a dead end?  I generally feel like you make your own destiny, but  why the hell isn't any effort I make getting me anywhere??  And I don't even need to fix all of my issues!  Just one, any one, would be wonderful!  A man!  A new job!  Some money to start a business!  A new friend to do things with!  Any of that would work!  Is there something intrinsic about me that makes all of my efforts fail?  I don't feel like I give up easily.  But I do feel like I am pretty limited in doing a lot of things on my own, and I can never seem to find anyone who is interested enough in things I am interested in to join forces with.  So now I am definitely beginning to question my own personality.  Yes, I am clearly depressed, and feeling negative lately.  But I don't feel like I project that outwardly to other people.  In fact, I feel like, if anything, I work extra hard for people NOT to see those things, as I know they are not traits that attract others.  But am I somehow still coming off as some sort of miserable shrew?  And who do I ask?