And the cat situation continues.  He came home Friday, but managed to pull out several stitches Saturday, so we ended up back at the vet.  I am a nervous wreck today at work and have to go home at lunch to check on him.  Exhausting.

However, I did realize two positives in this nightmare:  1) it happened to the cat I can actually get a hold of and who will let me medicate him.  If this were the other one, the nightmare would have been exponentially worse.  2) thank God I got Uverse!  Having all my recorded shows watchable from any TV in the house SAVED me this weekend.

So there.  A tiny bit of actual bright side.  And even more amazing, gratitude for it from me.

We are now $7000+ into vet bills and I am basically numb to the whole situation.  He is having a second emergency surgery today.  I'm sure I'll probably be close to $8000 by the time it's all over...if it ever actually ends.  This is almost half of all the savings I have in the world.  But I can't even imagine putting him to sleep...particularly now.  And when and if he does come home, he will need to be physically restricted for 2 weeks, which will make being home miserable.  Crawling into bed won't even be a possible response now.

And hey, let's add to that last post: now I have a sick cat! I found him Wednesday hunched over in pain and found out he had a urinary obstruction that could have killed him. Five days and a $4000 vet bill later, he is doing better, thank god, but I am now keenly aware that things can always get worse! Damnit!

I am definitely clinically depressed. There is literally nothing I can think about that makes me happy. My job, no prospects for a new job, my lack of close friends, my ridiculous family, my weight, my lack of motivation in general, my financial situation...everything literally makes me just want to crawl into bed and sleep forever. The only thing that gives me any respite is reading. And even that adds to the depression most of the time as everything I read contains relationships I wish I had. But every time I try to think about motivating myself to get off my ass and change all of this, something inside of me just shuts down...and the bed calls. Miserable.