OMG, what did I do before I discovered Pinterest??? My last two weeks have been CONSUMED by it! Especially at work. It's practically the only thing I do all day. But it really has helped inspire me to think more creatively and to want to do more in my life just generally. Just from little things, like painting my toenails glittery aqua blue, I feel like I've opened a little creative window onto the rest of the world, and it's really inspiring.

Speaking of inspiring, my old boss and I met again last week about the personality test he had me take and how it showed we would work well together. (Though we both already knew that.) He also gave me some insight into the lawyer he thinks I could work as a personal assistant to, and we have now set up an appointment for me to meet with him on Thursday morning to discuss what he thinks he needs, which will be great. I don't think he can afford to hire me yet, but I certainly want to be on his radar for the future!

One more thing: I see the doctor this afternoon. I'm planning to tell him I want off of this pain medication, as it really isn't helping much and it's making me ridiculously stupid. Plus I think it may be inhibiting my weight loss, though I've done somewhat better with that for the last week or so. I'm still about 8 pounds above my low point in December, but I'm pretty inspired to get it off and keep going right now, though I do have to admit I'm REALLY missing baking right now. Gotta find a way to do both.

Why I love my vet more than my own father:

When I was home for Christmas, and hadn't seen my father for an entire year, he didn't even notice the fact that I had lost 40 pounds.

After not seeing my vet for a year (as she was on maternity leave), she absolutely GUSHED about how amazing I looked. Through the entire appointment she told me how great I looked, and how much younger. It was the most motivating reaction I've had in forever.

What does that say?

Happy Birthday to me! I turned 45 today -- and now I can begin my OFFICIAL midlife crisis!! Today I am wearing hot pink all day, eating anything I want, coming to work late, taking a long lunch, leaving early, and generally celebrating myself! I'm even considering buying myself an iPad as a birthday gift to myself!

As my "party" (i.e., girls' karaoke night!) isn't till Friday, I plan to spend tonight making brownies for dinner, then lying on the couch watching a taped Big Bang Theory marathon and relaxing.

And as my new car tag this morning is hot pink, I am going to try to live my 45th year in that mode -- more fun, more about ME!

Feeling better today, though not 100%. Hopefully I'll be better for my birthday tomorrow. I think the treadmill and going to bed early last night helped.

Once again today I'm incredibly bored at work. My bosses are ignoring everything I've given them in the past few days, even though several things have now passed deadlines. I've gotten soooo tired of the passive-aggressive nature of this whole office. I think it is probably the biggest factor in how I feel physically. I really need to find some other things to occupy both my time and my mind. I am constantly telling myself that I need to find some sort of hobby that would get me out with other people, but I can't seem to come up with one that is feasible. For instance, I have decided that I just can't do the water aerobics any more -- too hard on my hair, my skin, my nails, my water bill (due to constant laundry) and my stress level as it wasn't helping my leg, and having to constantly worry about packing for it was ridiculous. So I decided I should try yoga. I have been looking everywhere for a basic class after work or on the weekend, but can't find one. Very frustrating. I'm still looking, but now I'm thinking I need to find something else as well, though I don't know what. Bleh...

For the past few days I've had a weird sort of numbness and tingling in my hands and my feet (particularly on my left side) again. (Had similar feelings for about 6 months in 2001/2002.) And I just feel "off" generally -- like my ears are clogged, my head is fuzzy, and I'm not quite 100% in control of my muscles. Like I could drop things while holding them, or trip on stairs. I don't, but it feels like I could. I'd call my doctor about it, but I already know from previous experience that he thinks this sort of thing is psychological and doesn't do anything about it.

And maybe it is. I have been INCREDIBLY bored for the past week or so...both on the job and at home. Maybe I've got some weird psychological thing that comes up with some mystery "illness" whenever I have nothing else to concentrate on. I know that last time the numbness, etc. was distractable. So maybe all I need is a good distraction. My birthday is this Wednesday, so maybe I can distract myself a little with that. Not much, since I don't have anything planned for it until Friday night, but I'll try. I'm turning 45, so maybe this is actually the start of some sort of mid-life crisis. I was hoping to turn it into an anti-midlife crisis, but my body seems to be against that idea. So maybe that should be my goal: prove my body wrong.

Ok...got through New Year's with no more problems arising. The car made it home and back, and after talking to the dealership about the problem, it may be something I just have to live with, as they would have be able to replicate the problem, and no one has been able to. Grrr.

The problem with the ex continues, and he may have sunk himself completely with a phone call last night. He is now back in the States and is making up all kinds of lies about why he, in his words "sounded drunk" when he called me New Year's Day. Apparently he called several other people that night and they all thought he'd been drinking. I personally just thought he was doing his usual up and down Klonopin crap, but clearly it might have been more than that. And his conversation the last night was the exact same...speaking ridiculously seriously and dramatically, saying the same things over and over, and clearly lying about things he's said in past conversations. And while I realize he's under a lot of personal stress right now, I have absolutely no patience for this BS. I have the feeling we're heading towards a conversation he is not going to like.

Beyond that mess, things continued to get worse on the job front when I got back from my trip. My moron bosses announced we're switching retirement plans...though the announcement didn't include the detail that the will now be paying 3% of our salaries instead of 15%. Funny how they forgot to mention that. Assholes. But it definitely gave me another reason to get off my ass and get with my old boss about getting his new business plan up and running ASAP so I can get the hell out of here ASAP. It also gave me crystal clear permission to begin using the mantra of "12%" -- meaning that's how much less work I plan on doing (at a minimum!) while I work on leaving this hellhole. I will have not one iota of guilt for taking whatever time I need to do anything personal I need to do, and that will include helping my old boss! Fuck this place!