OK, something I guess I already knew got pounded home today. My coworker is NOT the person to talk with about starting my business. She literally berates me about not having already just jumped out and done it, while she herself has done nothing with the business she has already legally created and set up a website for...because of the same fears I have about starting mine! And mine is MUCH more complicated! So as of today I have decided not to even bring up anything about the business around her again. All she does is piss me off and want to throw it all right back in her face, which, if I did that, would ruin our friendship. So I am choosing to be the bigger person and just stop all discussions that might make me want to slap her.

FINALLY got some pain medicine last week...and it doesn't, so far, do shit. It's one that has to be titrated up 1o0mg at a time, and it's clearly going to take a lot more than I'm taking this week. Maybe next week's dose will make a dent. I hope!

New technology rant: I absolutely HATE when someone texts you, you text right back with a question, and then never hear from them again. WTF??? In the past week, every single member of my family has done it to me...and several of them were asking questions themselves! Makes me UNBELIEVABLY PISSED!!!!

Well, the meeting with my old boss got me nowhere. He can't hire me for at least a year and the interim job he was trying to get me has been filled. Also, my leg pain as increased in the two weeks since I've seen the surgeon and I am now trying to get an ESI scheduled NOW, to see if it will make any difference. If it doesn't, I realized that waiting till next year for surgery is probably a stupid decision, both financially and physically. As it is I still haven't met the $1000 deductible for this year (but would if I have the ESI), so why should I live in pain for 4 more months (which I really think I would -- this is not getting any better) and then have to start all over with the deductible next year with the surgery. Stupid all the way around. Plus, it just keeps me stuck here, depressed, which certainly isn't helping the situation. So I think the plan is changing. Basically, I am literally adding another part of my life to my "get off your ass" plan!

Finally saw the surgeon yesterday. Forgot how wonderful he is. He actually spoke to me like an intelligent human being...almost like another doctor. As I figured he would, though, he basically felt like I should wait it out awhile longer to see if the herniation -- yes, he confirmed it is a true herniation -- might heal itself since I haven't lost any motor function and can live with the pain I have so far. He suggested giving it until the end of the year, then having an ESI if things hadn't changed, and if that still didn't change it, consider another microdiscectomy. I was thrilled to hear that he thought he could still do another micro instead of a fusion, though he said that fusion techniques have improved a lot just in the last few years, so even if I needed to go that route, it would not be as limiting as it used to be. So now it's just a matter of sucking it up and waiting it out and seeing what happens so I can determine how to handle it in terms of finding a new job. I have a meeting set with my old boss next week to talk about all that, so hopefully he'll have something positive to say that will give me some incentive to either hold out or go ahead and make a leap now, even if it's a little risky. We'll see.

Had the BEST time at my friend's annual wine party this past weekend. Drank just enough to have fun, but not be hungover the next morning. Worked the room and talked to all kinds of people I haven't talked to in the past. Just had a totally great time. Then spent all yesterday letting myself be a complete sloth, which was awesome too. The good mood carried into today, when my friend and I had a late lunch out (salad! to make up for the evil from the party) and rehashed the party, which was a lot of fun. It's been a while since I've been in this good a mood for several days in a row...I like it! Need to find a way to keep it up! Clearly it involves adding more people and socializing to my life...time to start really doing that!