Got a Zillow notice yesterday that the value of my house has gone down another $3500. It's now worth almost $20K less than I paid for it. Depressing. But also strangely motivating. While it keeps me from any options of moving elsewhere for probably a good long while, it somehow gave me the feeling that I need to look at things from another point of view. Number one, I love my house. It needs a lot of work, but I still love it. Number two, this job I hate so much at least provides me a means of affording the house, unlike so many other people in the country right now. And since I'm having no luck in getting out of this job right now, maybe I need to look at it solely from that perspective for awhile.

Another thing I've been thinking about this week is how I realized, after attending the Bakerella book signing last weekend, that there might be small ways for me to keep my motivation going, just by finding ways to get out and get more involved in the food/baking/blogging/business world a little more. Not only might this get me some valuable knowledge about all of the above, it might actually also find me some new friends with similar interests. (And I have to admit, that as much as I enjoyed the book signing, it was horribly depressing to have no one to talk to about it because no one else even cares who she is or why I'm interested in such things.) So I'm going to start looking for more blogs, website, groups, events, etc. that I can get involved with until I find a way out of my present nightmare. And maybe those things will even make my nightmare more bearable in the meantime!

Am I also the only person in the world who that that Jonathan Franzen's first book was the worst book they'd ever read? Why in the world I even finished it, I don't know. Maybe because I figured it just HAD to get better somewhere for the world to be so in love with it. But it didn't. It was an ugly, horrible book. And because of that opinion, you couldn't pay to read his new one. But somehow, once again, the world seems to disagree with me.

Am I the only person in the world who is afraid of Facebook? The whole idea of it really creeps me out, at least in terms of personal pages. Business pages are fine. But the personal pages where you post every stupid little thought in your head is just BEYOND narcissictic to me, and the possibilities for being stalked by people I never want to hear from again are just scary. Maybe I'm just way too private for the current social world, but I just don't get it. At all.

Having another day of feeling completely "unheard." Which means another day feeling on the edge of tears at any time. Not a fun way to live. Even little things are making me sad today....like how much I want to talk to someone about the book I just finished, ("Room" by Emma Donaghue), have no one I know who will read it. I sooooooooooo need some new friends. I just need to make the effort to make some. I keep thinking about getting a part time Saturday job (which would also give me another tiny source of cupcake money)....I really need to get off my ass and find one. Or if not that, volunteer again on one of the weekend days. SOMETHING!

More random thoughts:

Still having issues with having to listen to all of my mother's trivial crap every day, particularly while things at the office get more and more unbearable. I HAVE to find a way to get out of here ASAP!

After the horrible SCORE meeting, I am desperately trying to find new sources of business/entrepreneurship advice, but having a hard time. Am considering just walking into Miss Thing's store around the corner, telling her that I want one too, and asking for advice. This might turn her right to the franchise to request sole territory rights, but I may have to risk it. Still trying to decide.

One good thing: I am, very, very slowly getting some weight off. And I've been able to do it without completely starving myself. Though I will admit that I am hungry more often than I like. But I've been able to do some satisfying cheating without any major repercussions as long as I get right back to being good. And I've even had some days where the treadmill actually felt really good. If I could be at least 10 pounds down when I see the doctor again in November, I'd be happy.

Fall is finally here, which always gives me a lift. I actually walked outside this weekend, even though it bothered my shins the next day. Just being out in the sun and the cool air was wonderful. I'm going to start doing it at lunch on weekdays again too, which hopefully will help the weight loss as well.

My most recent ex has shown back up again. This time because he's getting yet another divorce. Of course just replying to his initial "friend" email started the whole cascade of over the top compliments and thinly veiled come ons. Ick. Why do I always forget that he's like that?? Well, this time I wrote him back and told him to back off, that there was no way that was happening and that he needed to accept that if he wanted to have any contact with me at all. While of course he replied that that wasn't what he meant, yada yada, clearly it was. My guess is that's the last I'll hear from him. Which is exactly what I want. No attention at all really is better than that BS. It makes my skin crawl. And he just isn't capable of anything else. Again...ick.