There is a line in "Her Fearful Symmetry" that says the most important thing in the world is to feel heard and understood. When I read it, it hit me like a ton of bricks how true that is. Because right now I feel like I am 100% unheard and un-understood and it is the most horrible, depressing, crushing feeling. Most of it comes from my family not wanting to even HEAR about my cupcake store plans, much less get involved in them. I recognize that it sounds like sort of a bizarre thing for me to be considering considering my personality and my past, but if they would pay any attention at all, they would realize it's very well thought out and that I am not about to risk every penny I have on something like this. If any of them were thinking about something like this, I would be asking them all kinds of questions and looking into it on the internet myself, just to educate myself better about it. But not one of them has done that, even after I've asked them to. And not only does that hurt my feelings, but it also REALLY pisses me off. Especially when it comes to my mother. Of course, she has her own agenda in being against it as she thinks me starting this business will keep me from going on any more expensive trips with her and will keep me from being able to support her when she starts losing it. Well, guess what Mom? I don't have the money to do either of those things now, so why should I sacrifice a chance at doing something that makes me happy? In fact, even if I DID have that kind of money now, I am literally so pissed that she would rather have me sacrifice the rest of my life just for her, that it only makes me want to pursue the dream even more! Not that I don't love her and want her to be OK in old age, but I am not an only child here, and the other two are just as responsible for her as I am, if not more so since she has done much more for them financially in the past than she has ever done for me. And as I tell her constantly, they are both already married with children. Taking in the grandma won't effect their lives nearly as much as it would effect mine. Taking her in would basically doom me to being single and childless forever, as well as probably doom me to a horrible job like the one I'm in now as well. And maybe it's supremely selfish, but I am just not willing to do that. So the cupcake dream is actually getting more fire behind it just from all of this "fuck you all, I'm going to do it alone" attitude I'm developing. And it no one will listen, well, I guess this blog will just get a LOT more entries!