If the horrible job is issue #1 on my list, my weight is definitely a close second. And as both things are interrelated, they should probably share the top spot. Or maybe weight should really be first, as it's made me miserable for almost my entire life, whereas the job has only made me miserable for the last several years. But fixing the job might help fix the weight, whereas fixing the weight won't really have any effect on the job.

But as of last week the weight suddenly became more pressing when my yearly physical showed that not only is my blood pressure way up despite medication, but my glucose level has gone into the slightly prediabetic range. A shock on all levels.

And while I've spent the last several months trying to get myself to a place where I can work on more of the "big picture"...i.e., try to be more positive about both getting out of this job, working on the weight issue without overguilting myself, just generally stressing less, appreciating the good things more, etc....it seems like my current medical situation has slapped all that down and demanded that I deal with it in a way that doesn't quite jive with my "less stress" plan. It sucks. But I don't think I have much choice.

So for the very immediate future (at least until my follow up doctor's appointment next week), I have adopted a regime of "starvation and torture", i.e. real diet and exercise. Not at all how I wanted to be doing this, as I can't imagine I'll be able to stick to it long term. But maybe some sort of miracle will occur and I can make some version of it stick to where I can get the weight off and the health back without completely turning into a deprived, miserable shrew. Just need to work on my mindset I guess. Though sometimes that's harder than others. Bleh.