If the horrible job is issue #1 on my list, my weight is definitely a close second. And as both things are interrelated, they should probably share the top spot. Or maybe weight should really be first, as it's made me miserable for almost my entire life, whereas the job has only made me miserable for the last several years. But fixing the job might help fix the weight, whereas fixing the weight won't really have any effect on the job.

But as of last week the weight suddenly became more pressing when my yearly physical showed that not only is my blood pressure way up despite medication, but my glucose level has gone into the slightly prediabetic range. A shock on all levels.

And while I've spent the last several months trying to get myself to a place where I can work on more of the "big picture"...i.e., try to be more positive about both getting out of this job, working on the weight issue without overguilting myself, just generally stressing less, appreciating the good things more, etc....it seems like my current medical situation has slapped all that down and demanded that I deal with it in a way that doesn't quite jive with my "less stress" plan. It sucks. But I don't think I have much choice.

So for the very immediate future (at least until my follow up doctor's appointment next week), I have adopted a regime of "starvation and torture", i.e. real diet and exercise. Not at all how I wanted to be doing this, as I can't imagine I'll be able to stick to it long term. But maybe some sort of miracle will occur and I can make some version of it stick to where I can get the weight off and the health back without completely turning into a deprived, miserable shrew. Just need to work on my mindset I guess. Though sometimes that's harder than others. Bleh.

Funny how starting a blog makes you feel like you need to provide information and explanations for people who might read it, even though you don't necessarily intend for anyone to.

I'm also interested to see how much self-censorship will be involved in my posts. I hope not much, but I guess there will have to be some.

So it will be some weird combination of trying write generally for myself, but with a consciousness of the possibility of others reading it....I feel like I'll want people to understand what I'm writing about, but without enough detail to get me into any trouble (i.e., with my current bosses, etc.). It's going to be odd.

Wow.  The first post.  What pressure.  So much to say and no idea where to start!  How about why I'm choosing to finally jump into the 21st century and start a blog:  basically because I'm too damn lazy to keep a journal any more and even when I'm in the mood to write, I can rarely find the stupid thing in my crap-laden house.  (And it's not even a big house.  There are really only a limited number of places to look, yet I still misplace it constantly.)  And as I am on the computer for the majority of the hours that I am awake, I might as well just do it this way.  Plus, I type much faster than I write anyway.

So here we are.  

For anyone who happens across this by chance (as I don't plan on telling anyone I'm writing it at this point), I'll provide a few demographics for you for general reference purposes.  I'm a single woman, early-40's, never married, no kids.  I've worked in the legal field for 20 years and am now working on getting out, as the stress of working for idiot lawyers has finally started affecting my health to the point where I pretty much HAVE to get out.  So a big part of this blog will be a combination of venting about my current life situation while trying to brainstorm ways out of it.  I make no promises that any of it will be enjoyable and/or entertaining for anyone to read, so proceed at your own risk.  I'm just hoping it will be a decent outlet for my current sky high stress level and a place to keep track of my ideas for lowering it.  

OK....one post down, millions to go....