The past month has been close to my most depressed ever.  The vacation was the usual family nightmare, to the point that I couldn't stand to speak to any of them for weeks afterward.  And since then I've sat at work watching the idiots I work for rake in money, while sharing absolutely none.  I have spent almost every minute I'm not at work in bed, either sleeping or voraciously reading in an effort to give myself some sort of alternate reality.  And the absolute worst part is having no one I can talk to about it.  Because basically I only speak to 3 people right now...my mother, my best friend from college, and my friend at work.  The idea of talking to my mother about it literally makes my skin crawl, as her suggestions are pathetic.  And I'm actually barely speaking to my work friend because all she can do is bitch about her own similar situation, but with no desire to talk about ways out of it.  So talking to her only makes me feel worse.  And while my friend from college is good to talk to, she has 3 kids and a crazy hectic life and no time.  Even therapy would frustrate me right now because I feel like I would need 3 hour sessions just to "un-frustrate" myself right now.   (Plus, of course, the fact that I can't even afford therapy right now.)

I feel like I live my life hating my job, worrying about my weight (which I am working on gaining all back, god damn it!), and trying to find a good book to escape into.  It's beyond pathetic.

I am feeling somewhat better today and am trying to work on a list of things I can do to change things, but the semi-good moods don't seem to last long lately.