Probably the only thing I actually still like about this job? The rare times I get to sent settlement money to clients who truly deserve it and are extremely grateful for it. I've gotten to do it twice in the last week and it's been a few rare minutes of wonderful.

While I've always said that 2pm to 3pm is the longest, slowest, most horrible hour of the day, I think I am wrong. The last 15 minutes of the day are actually the worst. Because they are the time that you are sitting on pins and needles, praying that your boss doesn't come in with some new request and that no client calls with some urgent need. I am sitting through those 15 minutes right now and they are literally KILLING ME. I soooo just want to leave right now so that nothing new can come up!

Well, I've now been to three totally different water aerobics classes...and I can't believe I'm about to admit it, but I'm actually enjoying them! Especially the one I went to last night. Had a very understanding and helpful instructor, who was great at helping me modify things to help my back. It was also the most fun group of women in the class I've had yet. Unfortunately, I won't be able to take that class again until December, when my business class is over. I only got to take it last night because we had a one time change in the business class schedule. Tonight I take a class from the only instructor I haven't met yet, though I hear she's not the best. I guess we'll see. I'm still totally resenting having to deal with packing everything and dealing with all the wet things after class...I am a total spaz about it - I can't seem to get an organized process going for it all. I also hate getting home so late. And so far, I haven't lost any weight either, which is pissing me off. But I guess all I can do it stick to the diet and go to the classes, and wait.

Amazingly, I DID manage to convince my GP that the walking was fine, but only after I myself caved and signed up for a water aerobics class at the LA Fitness by my old apartment! I decided that his idea of "throwing everything we have at this" (i.e., 2400mg a day of Neurontin, only water exercise, and a third ESI) was something that I would actually feel better if I tried, because after my 5 days of walking, my pain was definitely increased. And I thought that if I was really going to be able to sort out what helps the pain, I needed to start the water aerobics immediately, so I can see if they help me at all before we throw the steroid into the mix in a week or two. (I'm already on the 2400mg of Neurontin, and it's doing ZIP for the pain.) Then, if neither the water class nor the steroid give me much improvement, I'm going back to the treadmill, and will just find a way to live with the pain, as long as I'm not losing any motor strength or reflexes.

Of course, that's all dependent on whether I ever get to TAKE a water aerobics class. I went through all the hassle of packing half my house into a bag yesterday, leaving work early to get to the gym so I have time to change out of my sweats and get to speak to the instructor before class, only to get there and be told the class had been canceled because the instructor's child was sick. Gah!!! The only good part of it was that the bathing suit I had on turned out to be too big now to stay up, so there was a good possibility of a "wardrobe malfunction" had I actually worn it in class. And of course it was amazing for me to realize that I have lost 20 pounds since I last wore that suit in July, when it still fit. The down side: the only suits I have that fit are old and really out of style. So I will be ordering new suits off the internet today, as there certainly aren't any in the stores in October!

In other news, I had my second business class on Tuesday, and I basically taught it! It was on researching your competition, and as I was the only person who's actually already done this, I was pretty much the primary speaker for the evening. The instructor even asked me to share my 7 page questionnaire that I created with everyone by email and bring in a book I read about it to the next class! So it was nice to know that everything I've done so far really had me on the right track! Can't wait for next week's class!

Well, the GP did cut me off at the knees a bit. While he doesn't really think walking on the treadmill is really hurting me, even though it does increase my pain a bit the next day, he told me he wants me give it up completely ("just in case") and to go take a water aerobics class at what I thought was a health club near my office. He told me they had classes M, W & F at 6pm, and I grudgingly (because I hate having to pay money to a gym again and I hate the hassle of changing clothes, etc.) agreed to look into it. Well, it turns out its actually all the way at the hospital in midtown, way south of here, and it starts at 6:30pm, not 6pm, and lasts an hour. So basically there's no way I'd get home till after 8pm. And as I'm already getting home after 9pm on Tuesdays due to my class, my whole week would have me eating dinner way past my self-imposed cut off time, plus losing any sort of a relaxing evening except for Thursday. I was pissed. So I decided to go over my GP's (and my pain doctor's) head and called my surgeon. I spoke to his PA, who was completely shocked that the pain doctor told me I shouldn't walk, and said that there was no way the surgeon would EVER say that. He said that unless it actually hurt WHEN I walk, or caused pain way beyond what I've been having, there was no way for me to be making anything worse and that he would completely encourage me to keep walking as much as I can to get the weight off. So while I thought of emailing my GP about this right away, I decided I'm going to wait till next week (which was our deal - I get to walk for 25 minutes a day for 5 days, then report ANY change in pain, which would make me have to do only the water aerobics) when hopefully my body will be more used to walking again and the pain might just lessen naturally, then tell him about my conversation with the PA. But I am completely convinced that keeping my treadmill routine is the best route - particularly for my mental state at this point. I actually enjoy it, especially since the Biggest Loser is back on, and I have now really committed to the 5 days a week routine. The water class is just going to make me resentful of the hassle, the money, and the loss of my down time, and I REALLY don't think that is going to help me at all right now. And while I understand that my GP really wants the best for me and wants to "throw everything we have" at the physical problem right now, I think he has no clue how big the mental part of it is for me. So hopefully next week I can tell him in a way that will make him get that. We'll see...

And now it's official. I can no longer talk to my coworker about ANYTHING other than complaining about our jobs, which I am making a concerted effort NOT to do lately, as it's completely non-constructive, and I'm tired of spending my whole 8 hours in the office every day being negative. And in an effort not to do that, I've tried to talk to her about more personal things, but she is now so completely consumed with negativity that she literally argues with me about everything personal I try to bring up. She literally berates me on things or makes negative statements with absolutely no basis (like about my family members whom she has never even met!). She just HAS to be negative and bitchy about EVERYTHING. And I'm done with it. I've stopped asking her to lunch already, and while I miss having company at lunch, I don't miss the negative crap at all. I'd rather read a magazine alone. And now I'm going to start narrowing our interactions to as minimal as possible unless she happens to approach me first. I just can't take her attitude any more.

Well, for this morning at least, I'm in a better space than my last post. I started a "Launch Your Startup" course at Emory last night and I am super excited about it. By the end of its 8 weeks, I should have a complete business plan to be able to take the to the SBA. And this class popped up (literally!) at a really good time. I was definitely depressed last week about the return of my leg pain and my confusion of what to do about it. But then, out of nowhere, Emory sent me a "Late Registration" email about this course that started literally 5 days later, and I took it as a sign from the universe that it's time to stop worrying about the "what ifs" of my back and just get the hell on with my life! So when I see my GP today, he will be the first of my doctors that I ask about whether there is any real problem with me doing this. I really think if I do it right, I won't be risking further injuring my back, and as long as I'm not losing motor strength or reflexes, and I'm doing something I love (and concentrating on that instead of my back), I think I can suck up the pain I have now and live with it. Of course, I also need to research preexisting condition issues with getting new insurance, and talk to my dad about the possibility of him helping me with surgery later if it ends up I have to have it, but right now I really feel like if I could get out of a job I hate, that has me sitting all day, and focus on something I want (that would keep me standing most of the time!), I might be able to avoid surgery altogether. Now I just need to hope that the GP doesn't say something to day that deflates my positive attitude!!