Well, the Crisis seems to have hit critical mass this week. I learned that someone has already been given the franchise I've been dreaming about for over a year, in exactly the spot I wanted to put it. Not that I can really blame the company for giving it away, since I was hardly on their doorstep with the necessary money to do it myself. And their communications with me have been really crappy in the last few months, so part of me feels like maybe I shouldn't want to be a part of a group that does business this way anyway. But I'm still hugely disappointed.

Things at the office continue to get uglier and uglier as more money pours in, but our hopes for bonuses continue to be non-existent. It also appears that major changes to the office are about to be made, all with absolutely no notice to us from the powers that be. The lack of respect for us is flat out disgusting. And now that my Plan B has been smacked down, I'm feeling even more despondant about finding a way out of here any time soon.

And last but not least, yesterday I received the alumni magazine from my high school that included photos from the class reunion I didn't attend last month. It included photos of several of what I will rudely, but honestly, say where the biggest loser girls in my class, all happily smiling with their husbands and children. Granted, none of their husbands were Brad Pitt or anything, but clearly they were all happy, which is all that counts. And for the first time in a long time I had a really sharp pang of "what is so wrong with me that I can't find any of that?" And it was not a good feeling. For the past few years I think I've had a lot less of that feeling then I had in my 30's, but it can still work myself into a pretty good depression thinking about my missed opportunities regarding having my own family. Or really, and worse, the fact that I really haven't even HAD the opportunity since I was about 22. And I just can't figure out how I've wasted the last 20 years doing next to nothing but working while everyone else in the world, including all the dorks from high school (yes, I know that's mean), managed to find husbands and have kids and great careers.

I just really feel like the universe is against me right now, all the way around.