My last day of work before my trip, and as usual before a vacation, I'm much more stressed than excited. Trying to get loose ends tied up both here and at home, all the while listening to my mother obsess over the most trivial details of packing...no wonder I have high blood pressure! But I'm going to do my damndest to get on that plane on Wednesday and leave it all behind me...well, except for my mother...but I will lecture her in the airport to do the same thing. I refuse to pay a third of my savings for a trip where I'm a stressed out mess!

Well, it's now official. I'm prediabetic. My glucose was still a little high even after I'd lost 9 pounds and eaten almost nothing but vegetables. So now the Starvation & Torture Plan must be instituted in earnest to get this weight off because I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO BECOME DIABETIC!

Of course this news comes five days before I leave for Italy, which totally and completely SUCKS. I hope it doesn't ruin the whole experience of eating there for me. If I end up being a stressed out mess on vacation, I might as well just hang it up.

Went back for my bloodwork today. Crossing my fingers the glucose level is down. Though I did nothing to help it with the evil lunch I had after I left. (Once again, felt like I deserved one bad meal before getting back on the health/diet wagon.) No matter what (or so I hope!) I am now free of the doctor until a month after I return from my trip. I am just now beginning to feel the urgency of getting ready to leave. I'm sure pure panic will set in soon. I'm just praying the trip itself goes well. I REALLY need a wonderful vacation. I want to come back rested and relaxed and with a whole new energy to find a better, happier career and a happier life to go along with it. (No pressure...)

Damn, that doctor is smart! He is brilliant at finding ways to make me have to come back constantly, giving me no time to cheat on the Starvation and Torture Plan. I thought I'd see him today and be done with him until after my trip. But no. Because I screwed up one of my BP meds, he couldn't do the blood work he wanted to do, so now I have to go back next Wednesday. This completely screws with any plan I had to sneak in some carbs this weekend. (Well, except for the Whopper with cheese I ate on the way back to work from my appointment today. I'm allowing myself one really bad meal and that was it.) At least after that he doesn't want to see me again until he end of July, so if I end up gaining any weight in Italy, I'll have a month to get it off again before I have to get weighed again. And the blood pressure was back down today, even on only two days of the correct dosage of meds, which was good. Now if I can just keep it down during my last week of work before the trip. With several briefs due next week, and trying to get loose ends tied up before I go, it will definitely be a challenge. But just knowing that next week is my last week of having to choke down all my frustration and anger for this place might help somewhat. I hope!

Realized last night that I've been taking too little blood pressure medication for the last two weeks. Not good...especially when the office has been an absolute nightmare and I have the doctor's appointment to check it tomorrow morning. I'm hoping that maybe the 8 pounds lost, plus all the extra exercise over the past two weeks will make up for it. We'll see, I guess.

I'm also having a small freakout today because I am unable to do any exercise at all today, the all important day before the appointment. Work kept me from walking at lunch and I have a concert with a friend tonight after work (that was booked long ago or I probably would have turned it down -- a concert without booze is going to suck!), so there will be no treadmill and Biggest Loser for me tonight. The guilt and anxiety is amazing. How sad is that I would actually much rather stay home and work out than go to a concert with my best friend? I need serious psychological help.

Holy crap, the starvation and torture thing is actually working! Eight pounds down in two weeks! Unfortunately, I gained two of them the weekend AFTER my physical, so the doctor won't be nearly as impressed as he should be when I see him again on Friday. So now of course I feel the need to REALLY starve and torture myself for the next two days to try and get as much extra off as possible so he'll see a difference worth praising....which is yet ANOTHER issue: why can't I just do this for me? Why does it have to be for him? Pathetic.